Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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