she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
