Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
