foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
