Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
