Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
