but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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