I want to make a zoo with you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
