WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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