Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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