Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
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DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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