we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
