it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
