my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
