the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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