Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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