I bet he comes in French.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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