I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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