how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
