we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
