maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
