3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
