i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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