Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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