So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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