i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
