No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
