wrigley field is MILF paradise
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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