drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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