I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
