shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
