Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
