I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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