i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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