Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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