her vagine was all disorganized.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
