Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
