I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
