made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am one with the molecules
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize