Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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