Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my shit smells like andre
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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