Someone shit on the floor
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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