Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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