He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
