i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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