I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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