I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
