Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
