omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
In America we eat man semen.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times