So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.