i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Pooping to opera.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
