Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn

Replies (97) Good night (41451) Bad night (2010)
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(512): View more from Texas

And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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(512): And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.' http://tfl.nu/l1oz

Replies (18) Good night (743) Bad night (3342)
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(845): View more from New York

Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.

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(845): Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad. http://tfl.nu/mllb

Replies (18) Good night (834) Bad night (5189)
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(518): View more from New York

She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

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(518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex

Replies (65) Good night (14061) Bad night (2939)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.

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(403): Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'. http://tfl.nu/ube5

Replies (8) Good night (5910) Bad night (1513)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

(973): View more from New Jersey

i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

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(973): can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters (973): i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet http://tfl.nu/povn

Replies (11) Good night (2527) Bad night (1026)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.

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(703): Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night. http://tfl.nu/f2qw

Replies (8) Good night (3756) Bad night (1067)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.

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(724): Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them. http://tfl.nu/a4j7

Replies (17) Good night (1117) Bad night (6264)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me

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(859): But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me http://tfl.nu/ot16

Replies (4) Good night (2156) Bad night (978)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands

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(847): Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands http://tfl.nu/o72z

Replies (22) Good night (2282) Bad night (1284)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

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(312): I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards". http://tfl.nu/xpqo

Replies (6) Good night (2371) Bad night (1079)
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(585): View more from New York

She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back

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(585): She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back http://tfl.nu/7ssu

Replies (2) Good night (1394) Bad night (641)
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(206): View more from Washington

Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.

(206): View more from Washington

Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.

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(206): Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack. (1-206): Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on. (206): Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together. http://tfl.nu/xcw6

Replies (11) Good night (2357) Bad night (663)
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(815): View more from Illinois

HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.

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(815): HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK. http://tfl.nu/waoa

Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (549)
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(360): View more from Washington

I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks

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(360): I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks http://tfl.nu/lhl6

Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (221)

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