a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?