I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
