babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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