I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
