rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
