i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
