i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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