why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does