he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex