Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care