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• (407): View more from Florida

  Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.

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• (916): View more from California

  I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule

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• (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward

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• (424): View more from California

  I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch

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• (925): View more from California

  Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!

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