I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.