My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
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I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation