Sober January is a disaster.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water