you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
