Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!