someone threw a dead crab at me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
