I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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