I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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