Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
