His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you traded sex for a burrito?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize