I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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