3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
