don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
