just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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