She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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