I love black thongs
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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