If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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