everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Quick, to the slutcave!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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