a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
this just has baby written all over it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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