You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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