my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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