Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
