i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
