My first STD was from a foam party
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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