what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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