tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
