the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
